Trigger Warning: Mild Body Horror
Notes: I haven't written a fan fic in ages, so please excuse my limited vocabulary. Written for Baalloween Prompt Week 2 - "Fear".
It felt as if I was getting struck by lightning. From the top of my head to the tips of my now cybernetic toes, painful shock waves made my entire body spasm involuntarily.
They didn't tell me replacing my arms and legs with cybernets would be this agonizing.
"Phantom pain," the doctor quietly explained to my mother, "it was once thought to be psychological, but we know for a fact that it's very real, originating from the spinal cord and the brain."
"Who cares what it is just help h--!" Help my baby ----!!"
I struggled to hear what they saying above the screams. Who was screaming? Whose voice was that?
...was it mine?
"--- maxed out on pain meds. There is nothing we can do."
I crumpled into a fetal position in the corner of my hospital room. It hurt so much in ways that I could not describe. The ringing in my head was so loud that it was almost deafening. Cold sweat covered the biological parts of my body, drenching my synthetic hair. My IIs couldn't focus long enough to see anything clearly. My hands desperately grasped at my arms and legs as I hugged myself as tight as I could. It was almost enough to--
...to tear off ...my cynets.
I clenched my teeth. I felt my fingers slowly tightening their grip around my forearms. These weren't my arms. Not really, anyway. They took my arms and legs from me, without so much as a discussion. They merely said, it was something that simply had to be done.
But I thought it was supposed to make me better. Not worse.
Another wave of excruciating pain made my grip even tighter. Just a little more and I could break them. Just a small pull should be enough to disconnect them from my spine. Then maybe, just maybe, I could feel some sort of relief. I just wanted the pain to stop.
Please. Just...
"Stop."
I didn't even notice there was someone else in the room. I could barely see, let alone make out who, or what, it was. I realized later that this... being... was holding my wrists in his hands. I tried to pull away, but he was much stronger than I was.
I screamed at the shadow to let me go. He did not understand this pain. How could he? All I wanted was to be free; free from this suffering. I pushed, and I pulled, but this steadfast being barely moved.
So I lunged forward.
And I bit him.
I bit him somewhere between his neck and left shoulder. I bit as hard as I could, but surprisingly, he didn't even move. He may have gasped in pain for a bit, but he just held me there, quietly, in place. I continued to struggle against him but he held me still.
After what seemed like an eternity, I gave up. I opened my mouth to release the shadow from my failed attempt of an attack. My balled fists slowly opened as I slumped over, sobbing uncontrollably.
He might have been speaking, but I couldn't understand his words. He must have noticed this, however, because the next thing I knew, he held me in a gentle, but strong embrace and whispered to me.
"Ovidia."
I blinked through my tears. The figure knew my name?
"Ovidia, listen to me. Listen to the sound of my voice."
I coughed and tried to quiet down. My throat felt dry, and it was so hard to breathe.
"Yes. Focus on your breathing. You know how to do this. In three times, out three times. Ready?"
In, 1, 2, 3.
Out, 1, 2, 3.
"Now six."
I didn't know why I was doing what I was told. But I did. I struggled to reach that number, but pressed on anyway.
"Good. That's good. Keep going."
I knew this exercise. I knew it by heart. The deeper the breaths that I managed to take, the more the pain seemed to subside.
"Just relax. You know what to do. Start from the tips of your fingers, to the palms of your hands. Then to your wrists, your forearms, elbows..."
The voice was deep and calming, like a quietly flowing river. It felt spell-binding, hypnotic...
Familiar?
The pain I once felt was instantly replaced by exhaustion. My body felt limp and heavy. I had forgotten that I had bitten this person, until I tasted the blood on my lips.
I struggled to speak as my consciousness faded. "Ah... I-I'm... Sor--..."
I did not know if my half-... If my brother had heard me. But I certainly hope he did.
Bonus Epilogue [Legatus POV]:
Her episode finally came to an end. I could feel the tension slowly leave her body as she collapsed in my arms. Phantom pain becomes much easier as time goes on, but for some, it never really goes away.
Who the f*ck thought it was a good idea to do all 4 major operations in one go? Her disease was not even as progressive as mine. Surely they could have waited and scheduled to do this one at a time? Were they afraid that she wouldn't go through with the next operation after the first one was finished?
I glared at the doctor and the other woman from across the room. She kept her blonde hair this time, probably asked for a refund on that duotar as I suggested.
"FuuFu--"
"Legatus." I corrected her.
Despite being visibly upset, she held her tongue. I lifted the now sleeping Ovidia from the floor and carried her to the bed at the center of the room.
Gelu shouldn't have called me for this. I grumbled to myself, I'm not a social worker.
"And you." I seethed, turning my attention to the doctor, "’First do no harm.’ That is the Hippocratic oath you took. Do your f*cking job or I'll personally see to it that you'll never be able to practice medicine ever again. Is that understood?"
The man in the white coat nodded profusely. I turned on my heel and headed for the door. A Legatus threatening an ordinary citizen? Preator Chroma is going to have field day with this.
A stinging near the left side of neck made me reach for that area with my right hand. My fingers traced the bloody injury where Ovidia had bitten me. Unintentionally, probably, but I'd better deal with this injury myself. Not that I'd wanted to keep Ovida's record clean, but I'd much rather not give the Preator even more things to annoy me with.
"I'm sorry... Oniichan."
Don't call me that, damn it. I'm not-... I'm not your brother.
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